Students who don’t learn how to advocate for themselves in college risk failing—not because they aren’t smart or capable, but because they stay silent when they should speak up. And parents? Legally, you can’t do it for them. Thanks to FERPA, no one is calling you if your student misses class, fails a test, or stops showing up. That’s the student’s job now.

Here’s the truth: No one is coming to save them.
They’ve got to speak up. Raise their hand. Ask for help.
If your student can’t do that yet, they’re not ready for college—yet.
But the good news? They can build that skill this summer.

The Story: When My Son Froze Up

I’ll never forget the phone call. My son had just bombed his first quiz in college and was completely overwhelmed.

I said, “Did you talk to the professor?”

Long pause. “No... I didn’t think I could.”

He didn’t mean he wasn’t allowed. He meant he was too nervous, too unsure, too embarrassed. He didn’t know how to advocate for himself—and no one had ever really taught him.

He thought asking for help meant he had failed.

But that moment became a turning point. Over the next few weeks, we worked on how to email a professor, what office hours were for, and how to make a plan. Was it perfect? Nope. But he learned that asking for help doesn’t make you weak—it makes you wise.

What Is Self-Advocacy, Really?

In college, it looks like this:

• Speaking up when you don’t understand something

• Visiting office hours and actually asking questions

• Using your accommodations, if you have them

• Letting a professor know if you’re overwhelmed

• Emailing with confidence and respect

And it also looks like this: not waiting until everything is falling apart to say something.

3 Ways to Build Self-Advocacy This Summer

Here’s how to build that muscle now—so your student isn’t left panicking in week two.

1. Practice Professional Emails (That Actually Get a Response)
Pick a real-life reason to email a teacher, mentor, or coach—asking for a reference letter, sharing a thank-you, or even requesting feedback. The goal is to practice writing respectfully and clearly to adults in positions of authority.

Parents: Offer to look over the draft—but don’t rewrite it. Focus on tone, clarity, and professionalism. This is how they learn.

2. Make a Campus Resource Map—Together
Before they even arrive on campus, research the support systems that are already in place: the writing center, the tutoring office, academic coaching, library research help, professor office hours, peer mentors, and mental health services.

Parents + Students: Do this together. Find the websites. Bookmark them. Talk through which ones they might need and when. The more familiar it feels now, the less scary it’ll be to actually walk through the door in September.

3. Make the Call (Not You!)
Whether it’s scheduling a physical, calling about campus housing, or checking in with admissions—let your student handle the logistics. Phone anxiety is real, and avoidance is common. But confidence grows with practice.

Parents: Cheer them on—but don’t dial the number for them. This is their rehearsal for future independence.

What Parents Need to Hear (And Might Not Want To)

You can’t step in.
Not in college. Not anymore.

FERPA means professors and campus staff legally can’t talk to you about your student without your student's written consent—even if you’re paying the bill. It’s one of the most frustrating transitions for parents, but it’s also one of the most important for growth.

So what can you do? Support without stepping in.

• Normalize asking for help.

• Talk about your own struggles and how you got through them.

• Resist the urge to solve problems that aren’t yours to fix.

What Happens When Students Learn to Speak Up?

They stop waiting for someone to notice they’re struggling.
They start taking ownership of their experience.
They get the help they need—before it’s too late.

And most importantly, they realize they’re capable.

Let’s Make Sure They’re Ready

Want to know how prepared your student really is?
Take the College Readiness Assessment—it’s a free tool to measure how confident and equipped your student feels in areas like time management and self-advocacy.

And if your student needs more than just good intentions,
College Success Bootcamp is here to help.
This 4-week summer course walks them through the habits, routines, and mindset they’ll need to thrive in college—not just survive it.

👉 Ready to give them a real head start? Click here to learn more.