(And the one thing that matters more than their answers.)

Thanksgiving break looks calm on the outside.....pie in the oven, siblings home, family photos. But underneath all that? This is the moment students finally exhale. It’s the first time all semester where they stop sprinting and actually feel the weight they’ve been carrying.

Here’s the bold truth: Most parents underestimate how much their student is hiding, and most students underestimate how much their parent can help.

I learned this the hard way with my own son.

He walked in the door his freshman Thanksgiving acting like everything was fine.  Classic “I’ve got it handled” energy. But parents can see when something’s off. He wasn’t sleeping well. He was picking at his dinner. He smiled… but not with his eyes.

And all of that cracked open with one question:
“What are you most proud of this semester?”

He paused—really paused. And then out came the truth about one class, one exam, one assignment he’d been dragging like a boulder. Not because he didn’t care. Because he didn’t know what to do next.

That conversation changed everything.

Why These Four Questions Matter More Than You Realize

We assume our students are fine because they look fine. But here’s the real villain of the college experience:
Students don’t know what they don’t know and they don’t know how to say it out loud.

These four questions pull the curtain back in a way that’s honest but not overwhelming:

1. “What are you most proud of this semester?”

This question matters because it doesn’t start with failure—it starts with strength.
Pride is powerful. It softens defenses. It melts shame. And it reminds your student that they’re not defined by a grade on a portal.

This question helps you see what’s working so you can build on it.

2. “Where are you struggling?”

Not “Are you struggling?” (they’ll say no).
Not “Why didn’t you…?” (they’ll shut down).

Just: Where?
This opens a door without judgment. It invites honesty over performance.

Some students struggle with time.
Some struggle with reading loads.
Some struggle with showing up to class.
Some struggle with the mental load of independence.

Every struggle is solvable once it’s named.

3. “Why are you struggling in that particular area?”

This is where clarity happens.

College kids don’t sit around analyzing their habits.  They just try to survive them.
This question helps you both connect the dots:

• “I study, but I don’t learn the material.”

• “I keep missing deadlines because time gets away from me.”

• “I know what to do, but I can’t get myself to start.”

• “I take notes, but I don’t know how to review them.”

These aren’t flaws. They’re skills that haven’t been taught yet.

And I’ve seen it over and over: When a student understands the reason behind the struggle, the shame loses its power.

4. “What can I do to help?”

This is the hinge moment.

Ask it with calm curiosity.......not panic, not pressure.
Most students don’t want a tutor. [And often don't need one.  It's not that they don't understand the material.  It's their executive functioning skills that need help.] 

They don’t want micromanagement. They don’t want rescuing.

What they do want?

Clear systems.
Straightforward tools.
Someone who believes in them without fixing everything for them.

This is why Thanksgiving is the perfect pivot point—not because grades can be magically repaired, but because habits can.

And Here’s the Part No One Tells Parents…

Students won’t change just because you have a heartfelt conversation.
They change when they have a plan and support.

The gap between knowing and doing is wide in college. And that gap is where overwhelm lives.

So when your student tells you how they’re really doing, don’t just nod sympathetically.  Actually equip them.

That’s why I created the Black Friday week offers the way I did:
simple systems, proven tools, and frameworks that help students lift themselves out of academic quicksand without you having to drag them.

If your student walks into finals feeling scattered, uncertain, or behind, this is the cheapest and most effective moment of the year to get them support.

And honestly?
It might be the gift that changes their whole semester… and their confidence.  And every semester after.

A Final Word Before the Pie Burns

There is nothing wrong with your student if they’re struggling.
There is nothing wrong with you if you didn’t see it sooner.

College is a massive transition.
Most students don’t need rescuing. They need structure. They need someone to say, “Let’s figure this out.”

And Thanksgiving is your window.

Ask the questions.
Open the conversation.
And if they need help.....real, structured help.....the Black Friday offers are the best place to start.

Your student can finish this semester stronger than they started.
And you can help them get there—one honest conversation at a time. 🧡